The First Rule of Eating in China

Chinese food in the US is a poor shadow of the real thing. It’s sort of like those cheap supermarket birthday cakes with the fluorescent green icing when compared to real French pastries. Or box wine compared to Lafite, or soy burgers compared to grass-fed filet mignon, or ice princesses compared to hot babes … get the picture?

In China you get real Chinese food. But in the west, we get “westernized” Chinese food. If you want to find real Chinese food in the west, you can, but you have to look. It helps to live in a major city or date a Chinese girl.

Finding real Chinese food is sort of like finding real Chinese Kung Fu or Alchemy. Most of what you find in the west is fast food.

This is because in the west, things are different. For example, most westerners expect to be entertained, not whipped. Traditional Chinese training whips your ass, laughs at you after you’re whipped and expects you come back for more – especially at the higher levels of training.

If I trained my Kung Fu students like I was trained, I’d have about two students total. And my training was easier than it was years ago in China when you had to walk to school uphill both ways in the snow. I’m only partially joking.

Things have to be adapted for westerners. The same thing happens with Chinese food.

Fortunately, the Chinese kept their food culture intact even throughout the Cultural Revolution. So, while finding good Kung Fu is hit or miss in China, finding good food is a lot easier. When you get to China, you can expect some real Chinese treats.

Real Chinese food can be very good, just like real Chinese internal martial arts. But you have to be ready for it.

That’s where the primary rule of China travel comes into play: “Get over yourself.”

When it comes to eating, there’s a corollary: “Be adventurous.” It’s a rare opportunity to try something new and exotic. Get over your preconceptions and personal preferences and try the bewildering variety of dishes and styles of cooking.

Here are a few food specific suggestions to help you get the most out of your Chinese culinary experience:

The first rule of Eating in China is don’t ask, “What is that?” It might be organ meat or just a really slow baby duckling. Don’t worry; it will be good as long as you follow the next rule…

Eat at high class establishment. I’m not talking the Four Seasons here, just open your wallet and drop some Mao’s* on a good meal. This might surprise you, but eating out at a good restaurant in China is not that much less expensive than eating out in the US these days. Sometimes it can be more expensive. But a good restaurant is worth every Yuan.

For a Lao Wei (yes that means you, westerner), make certain your food is cooked. The Chinese are getting creative with their fresh salads – sort of Asian fusion in reverse. Unfortunately, the greens are probably washed in the city water. If you follow the rule, ”Eat at a high class establishment” you are probably going to be okay, but don’t take a chance if it’s your first trip.

If you are served something uncooked, and want to entertain yourself with a little faux irony, you can say “Do I look like a rabbit? Is this the US? I only eat cooked food.” Unless you can say it in Chinese, they won’t have any idea what you are saying, but your interpreter might think it’s funny.

Next, learn how to eat with chopsticks. They are better suited to eating Chinese food than forks, which are in short supply outside the major tourist areas. As an added bonus, the Chinese appreciate the fact that you are at least making an effort to understand their way of doing things.

Finally, if you are pressed for time, you might give the street vendors a try. They are the real entrepreneurs of China, setting up a stall wherever they can get one meter of space.  (I have even seen them cut a glass window, pry the bars back on an iron fence, and set up a shop so small, a southern Chinese girl couldn’t turn around!) Their food is inexpensive and it can be really good, but you have to make certain it’s cooked (preferably fried.) The most important rule in this case is “Don’t use the utensils from street vendors.” Although the food is usually well cooked, the dishes are rinsed in cold, dirty water at best. You’ll get whatever the last three people had plus whatever’s in the water…

Just remember to use a few common sense rules when savoring China’s bounty and you’ll be able to eat your way across the land.

* “Mao’s” is slang for money in China. China used to have currency with really cool engravings of its ethic minority groups on them. Then some self-important bureaucrat thought he should show how much more loyal to the Party he was than everyone else and put Mao’s lovely face on the front of every note. When you count your money it’s called “counting Mao’s” or “Shu Mao Ze Dong” in Chinese.